


Come Back Home

by kawaiikanai



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Drug Addiction, Drugs, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3676062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaiikanai/pseuds/kawaiikanai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been years since Dan’s rise to fame made his and Phil’s relationship come crashing down; but in that time not a day has gone by that he hasn’t thought of him. After some unsavory shots of Dan gets passed around the media, Phil begins to worry about Dan’s health, no matter how much he tries to deny his leftover feelings for him.</p>
<p>Song: Picture - Kid Rock</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Back Home

It’s been years since Dan’s rise to fame made his and Phil’s relationship come crashing down; but in that time not a day has gone by that he hasn’t thought of him. After some unsavory shots of Dan gets passed around the media, Phil begins to worry about Dan’s health, no matter how much he tries to deny his leftover feelings for him.

Dan wakes to a humming in his ears and an arm around his waist. His hazy mind makes him pull it tighter, basking in the familiar feeling, but once he’s regained his senses more he remembers where he is. He throws the arm off of him and sits up, glass bottles clanking as he shifts his legs and makes his head pound. It’s not the first time he’s woken up like this; nameless person beside him in a dark hotel room and no recollection of the previous night’s events. It happens quiet often while his band is on tour, the other members sneaking fans back stage and Dan goes along with it as long as they promise a good drink and maybe some good coke.

He swings his legs off the side of the bed and stands up, making the routine of checking over the entire room for any leftover needles to dispose of and bottles to throw away. Don’t want the hotel management finding any suspicious things that will get him in trouble, not that his band mates and manager don’t already know. They do it, too. He finds that he already took care of the wrappers last night, having been stuffed down the neck of one of the whiskey bottles on the table. He screws the cap on it and grabs it along with the other few bottles and tosses them in the trash before plopping down in the chair near the window.

He needs coffee if he’s going to be up and ready for today, already feeling the drawbacks of last night. He fumbles around the stuff on the table for his phone, screen greeting him with blinding light and making him swear. The body on the bed shifts and he supposes he should just grab his things and slip out. He doesn’t want the awkward morning after talk. It’s eight so there has to be a café somewhere that’s open. He quickly gets dressed and throws on his leather jacket and shades before locking the door behind him. On the way out he asks an employee for the nearest coffee shop before paying for a few more hours on the room. As he pulls out his credit card a picture falls out of his wallet, fluttering to the ground before he can catch it. He picks it up and bites his lip, the face smiling back at him and cheek squished against the younger version of him in the picture. A rude reminder of humbler days.

“Sir?” The lady across the counter is trying to hand him his card and it takes him a moment to finally take it back, stuffing it and the picture back into his wallet before heading out.

~

Phil clicks off the TV and leans back on the sofa, his arm covering his eyes. More scandal in the news about Dan, flashing candid pictures of him leading some unknown person into his hotel room and another celebrity gossip show tossing around speculation on him using drugs. He shouldn’t care, it’s not like they were together anymore; but the pain is just the same.

He’d almost called him last night. He’d been doing some spring cleaning and come across an old photo album. He’d stopped his organizing, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor and flipped through it. Pictures of them from just years before, smiling together in their home and at Dan’s studio where the band would practice. He can still remember the smell of him after a sweaty band practice and how perfectly their arms fit around each other.

The doorbell rings and Phil hoist himself off the couch to get it, Jace greeting him warmly. “Hey, sweetheart.” He smiles, planting a kiss on Phil’s cheek.

“Hey, I didn’t expect you to come over until later.” Phil admits, rubbing at his burning eyes and focusing his attention on his boyfriend.

“I know but I have a surprise for you.” Jace touches at his waist and Phil holds onto the sensation, telling himself that it’s Jace here right now touching him, not Dan.

“Oh, yeah?” Phil inquires, trying to see what Jace was obviously holding behind his back.

Jace opens his mouth to tell him but Phil’s phone rings from the coffee table, prompting him to run to catch it. There’s no name on the screen but he knows the number by heart, scooping up his phone but hesitating before picking up. He turns to Jace, still standing there with a sweet smile on his face. “I’m sorry, I have to catch this. It’ll only take a moment.” Phil apologizes before skirting past him and into his room, finally clicking to take the call. “I’m surprised you’re up this early. You were never an early bird.”

“Hello to you, too.” Dan says groggily.

Phil hears him take a sip of something over the line and lets out a sigh. “Are you drinking this early in the morning?”

“It’s coffee.” Dan grumbles, taking another sip as the sound of a truck goes by.

“Ok,” Phil wants to believe him, but not only is the idea of him drinking coffee odd when he never used to like coffee, but it wouldn’t entirely be a surprise if he was drinking this early. “So why’d you call?”

“No real reason.”

He doesn’t have time for Dan’s games. “Well, then I’m hanging up.” Phil pulls the phone away from his ear.

“Wait!” Dan shouts, making Phil hold the phone up again. “I just… How have you been?”

“I’m fine, Dan.” Phil snaps, “Are you done?”

“What about Jace? Are you and him doing well?”

“Yes, were great.” Phil tells him. Jace is a great boyfriend, so why wouldn’t their relationship be great? Sure, it could be pretty… vanilla at times, but that meant stability.

“That’s good to hear.” Dan sounds sad but genuinely relieved.

Phil bites his lip, listening to the loud city noises on Dan’s end while debating. With all the gossip he sees about Dan on the TV he definitely wonders how he’s doing as well, but he doesn’t want to ask in case he gets the wrong idea.

“Are you maybe… busy tomorrow?” Dan asks suddenly.

“Uh, no? Why?”

“I want to see you.” Dan mutters, “Please, I’m in your city tomorrow for a concert and I can swing by right after.”

“Dan, you know I can’t.” Phil denies him, “I’m with Jace.”

“I’m not asking for a hook up, I just want to talk.” He begs.

Phil sits down on his bed, clenching the duvet with white knuckles. “There’s nothing to talk about.” Dan had chosen life on the road over him a long time ago. He couldn’t keep up with Dan’s crazy band life and wanted Dan to settle down but he wouldn’t. His band was getting popular enough from their latest album to go on tour but with Phil’s job he couldn’t tag along. Phil couldn’t deal with the loneliness after having lived with Dan for so long. He made Dan choose: him or the band. When Phil woke up one morning to a half empty closet and a note on the counter he knew the choice was clear.

“Phil, baby…” Dan cooed and Phil could almost feel the brush of fingertips down his neck or the faint traces of a peck on his cheek. “I miss you.”

Phil swallows, composing himself and pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind. “I’m sorry.” Phil quickly hits the end button before he can change his mind and tosses his phone to the other side of the bed, letting out a shaky breath.

“Hey, you ok?” Jace pokes his head through the door and Phil forces a smile.

His boyfriend doesn’t know about his ex. Phil was asked by Dan’s manager to keep things hush about their past together; and Jace didn’t really need to know that his ex still calls him anyway. “Yeah, just getting off the phone. Jace comes to sit next to him on the bed, his arm going around Phil’s waist. “So, what’s this surprise?”

Jace pulls two tickets out of his jacket pocket, passing them to Phil. The name of the band stares back like it’s haunting him, the time showing late tomorrow. “I’m always seeing you trying to catch interviews on that band and stuff like that so when I saw they were playing here I thought you’d like to go see them with me.”

Phil can’t speak. He wants to say he can’t go, but deep down he feels like he should. Not only because Jace went out special and got these tickets with the thought that they could have a concert date, but because he truly does want to see Dan. This way could be on his own terms and with the big venue he’s pretty sure Dan won’t be able to find him in the crowd. “Thank you so much.” Phil gives Jace a hug and he’s squeezed back, Jace cupping his cheek and kissing him softly.

Jace ends up spending the night; dinner, wine, and intimacy. He can hear his boyfriend sleeping soundly beside him but he’s wide awake, staring at the tickets left on his bedside table. It’s been over a year since they last saw each other in person. They had accidentally bumped into each other one evening and it ended up with Dan convincing Phil to come back to his hotel room of the night, hot hands everywhere and regrets the next morning. He’d decided that he’d never be alone with Dan again if he hoped to move on. He turns off the lamp and flips over, burying his face in Jace’s chest and hoping that tomorrow night doesn’t come too soon.

~

“Dan, what the hell is this?” His manager tosses a newspaper onto his lap as the bus makes its way down the highway, London bound.

Dan picks up the paper, already folded open and showing a paparazzi picture of him at the café from yesterday, on the phone and head in hand. How did they even know it was him? They must have asked one of the baristas inside. He reads through the article, it saying how he looked like shit and all the regular health concerns. “I’d just woken up.”

“What’d I tell you about controlling your hobbies? Only while we’re on the road or on tour brake. We can’t have you looking like the junkie you are when you’re in the camera’s eye.”

Dan shrugs. “How come you don’t get on the others about this?” They did the same amount of drinking and drugs he did.

“Because the paps like to focus on you more than them. You’re the ‘guy with no past’ that makes them want to get in your face.” They always ask him personal questions during interviews and he does his best to brush them aside, not wanting to admit the rough start to their tour and putting attention on Phil. His bandmates don’t have any significant others, so they’re in the clear.

“Yeah, well they can piss off.” He grunts, reaching over to the mini fridge and grabbing a half empty bottle of whiskey. He didn’t really care if he got a bad rep from the paparazzi as long as they didn’t involve his past. Let them dig into his backstage life and such, exposing his drinking and addictions, the only thing that matters is what he does up on the stage and in the recording booth.

“Just try to think about who has to clean up your mess after you next time.” The manager glances to the bottle in his hand, “and at least keep the drinking to a minimum since we have a show tonight. I need you at the top of your game.”

“Always am.” He smirks before taking a swig dry, the cool liquid burning down his throat but he likes it that way. A little pain to go with the crash from yesterday. He can never get a good thing going when it came to coke. It’s the quickest and best of highs, leaving you weightless and giddy; everything being right in the world. Then he comes down, feeling the pressure of his life again and he can’t help but think about the next time he’ll be able to sniff. It’s a dangerous cycle, but it’s what keeps him going. It’s what gets him past his reoccurring memories that threaten to make him quit his career and run home.

~

Jace pushes through the crowd, trying to get from the stands down to the pit. Phil doesn’t really want to be that close to the stage but Jace insists, saying that the atmosphere on the floor is way better than the seating area. Phil silently follows, holding Jace’s hand tightly as they get closer and closer. “How close are you planning to get?”

“Up front, of course.” He states, finally stopping with just a few people between them and the railing. Phil can feel his chest clenching already, knowing that he shouldn’t have really agreed to come.

It’s only a matter of time before the house lights fade and stage lights glow red, cheers from the crowd ringing in his ears as the singer comes out and greets the fans. Phil, however, hears nothing. He stares off to the side as the familiar figure moves in front of the mic, fingers pinching a guitar pic and strumming a few notes. He’s gorgeous, as always, a lean leg propped up on a speaker and fingers wrapped around the mic stand to adjust it.

The drummer taps them off and Dan starts off the song with a vicious riff, the crowd roaring and wooing as they begin to sing along. Phil can hear Jace singing next to him, fist in the air and voice slightly cracking when it comes to the higher notes.

The performance goes on, each song bringing back a different memory of when Phil would hang out in the studio during practice, parts of songs being played over and over until perfection. One song brought up visions of them all eating lunch together, laughing as Phil wrapped an arm around Dan’s waist. Another they practiced around Christmas time, Phil cuddling up on the couch under Dan’s coat while he watched him play.

The concert is on its final strings and Phil can feel himself wanting to leave now. He hasn’t been able to look away from Dan this whole time, occasionally talking to Jace about how good the event has been. Dan goes up to the singer, whispering into his ear before returning to his spot.

“We’re going to ease you folks out on a softer note tonight.” The singer announces, looking over to the other members. “It’s something you guys haven’t heard before.”

Dan takes a deep breath and as soon as the first cords leave his guitar Phil covers his mouth. It can’t be; but it is. The same melody that Dan had played for Phil, just for Phil in their little home they had shared. Dan had spent a solid month writing it and putting it together just so until one night when he sat Phil down on the couch and played it for him right in their living room. It’d brought him to tears just as it is now and as soon as Dan was done playing Phil had jumped on him and kissed him all over and showed him just how much he loved the song and him.

“Are you ok?” Jace touches his shoulder.

Phil jumps, gasping in a sobbing breath. “Y-yeah, it’s just- it’s a really pretty song.”

The song ends and the crowd goes mental, lighters and cellphones high in the air and asking for an encore but it’s already way past the time the concert was supposed to end. The members pull off their equipment and wave to everyone as they exit the stage, allowing Phil to regain some of his breathing.

“Hey, I’ve got to go to the bathroom.” Jace tells him, “You remember where the car is?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you there.” Phil smiles weakly.

He follows the edge of the railing and the flow of the people until he finds an open area where he can wait for the mob to die down before braving trying to squeeze through the door. It’s always so hectic after concerts.

“Excuse me, sir?”

Phil turns to see a security guard approaching him. He looks around but sees no one else around that he could be talking to. “Uh, yes?”

“Can you come with me?”

Phil hesitantly nods, following the rather buff man back towards the stage. He pulls out a set of keys and unlocks a door on the side, ushering Phil inside the hallway. He’s then lead through the halls and past tech people as they ravel up cords and move around lights.

They get to a door with a star painted on the outside and the guard tells him to go on in, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall beside him. Phil takes a deep breath before grasping the knob and entering the room. It’s pretty empty save for a rack of dark clothes and a stack of empty six packs. He sees a bouquet of roses on the counter and walks up to them, picking them up and enjoying the smell.

“You can have them if you want.” Phil pauses before turning around, brown eyes just an arm’s length away traveling over his face. “They’re from a fan but I don’t really want them, so…”

Phil looks down at them before placing them back on the table. “If you had that guard drag me here for some secondhand gift then I’ll be on my way.”

“That’s not why at all.” Dan takes a step closer and Phil can truly see him now, the paleness that he thought was just the lighting and the redness around his eyes. He wonders just how much sleep he’s been getting and how he’s been treating himself. “I wanted to see you.”

“How did you even know I was here?”

“I saw you in the crowd around half time.” He explains, “I could feel something was different about this show and as soon as I saw you down there I knew.” He dares to reach up and just barely touch Phil’s cheek. “I could feel your eyes on me the whole time. Even made me miss a few cords I was so distracted.”

“I could tell.” Phil smirks, “I’ve heard your songs so many times I know every note by heart.”

Dan lets out a strained laugh, biting his lip. “I just miss you so much… Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you and needed you.“

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have left in the first place.” Phil grabs Dan’s wrist and pulls it away from him, Dan letting it drop to his side. “But you did.”

“I know.” Dan looks down to Phil’s hand, taking it and pushing his fingers between his. “I fucked up and it’s cost me so much.”

“You seem to be doing fine.” Phil laughs through his nose, hiding the fact that he wants to firmly take Dan’s hand and can feel the heat radiating off of him, reminding him of all those times in bed when they’d cuddle together after sex and talk about anything and everything.

“I’m not, Phil…” Dan’s other hand comes to his face and he can’t help but lean into it this time, closing his eyes for a moment. “I thought I was changing my life for the better by chasing my dreams but I soon realized after that you were my life.” Dan’s thumb caresses his cheek. “It hit me so hard and it led me to do so many stupid things.”

“Like drinking?” Phil’s eyes glancing to the bottles.

“And otherwise.” Dan admits.

Phil steps back, taking Dan’s hand and holding with the other. “So… the rumors on TV are true?”

Dan looks away, face dark and eyes welling. “It’s hard not to get sucked into it all when you desperately need a distraction.”

Phil shakes his head, disappointed. “I can’t believe you.”

“I couldn’t help it!” Dan shouts, making Phil pull his hands away. Dan steps back, taking in a deep breath and calming before speaking again. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you and it was tearing me up inside. It still is.” A tear finally falls down his reddened cheek, “I want you back, Phil. I’ll do anything.”

“You’ll never leave your band or stop the drinking and drugs.” Once you’ve fallen into that lifestyle it’s hard to get out, no matter what your motivations are.

“I will.” Dan pleads, hands out to Phil again but he doesn’t take them. “I’ll get off the drugs and stop drinking. All I ask is that I can still play. I’ll work on cutting tour dates and spending as much time as I can with you. Please, babe.”

The man standing in front of him is not the same he loved. He’s a desperate man; high on god knows what. The Dan he loved fought long and hard for his dreams and when it came time to choose between them and him he took the selfish route but he understood. “You’d really give that up for me? Your cushy rock and roll life for someone so dull?”

“You were never dull.” Dan shakes his head, “You were the light of my life and still are. Don’t make me go back to the darkness.”

“Save your lyric writing, Dan.” Phil holds up a hand, but is truly touched by his words. “Look… I can’t take you seriously as you are.”

“I know.” Dan presses his lips together, “We only have a few more tour dates and then were on break. Once we are… I’ll stop the coke and alcohol. For good.”

“What about during the last of your tour?” Phil laughs through his nose, “I’m supposed to ignore the fact that you could be shooting up at any time of day?”

“Hun, that’s heroine, not-” Dan corrects, then quickly shuts his mouth at the look on Phil’s face. “It’s hard to just stop, ok? I’ll try my hardest not to, but until I can get help… I may slip.”

Phil holds himself, not wanting to agree to Dan’s terms but the thought of him finally having him back again is undeniably tempting. “And what about Jace?” None of this is fair to him.

Dan sighs, leaning against the counter and combing his fingers through his hair. “Do you love him?”

“No… We’ve only been going out for about six months.”

Dan nods. “Do you still love me?”

Phil swallows, not able to answer aloud. If he does, he’ll be committed. He doesn’t even know if he can trust Dan’s word on the getting help thing. He’s saying he’ll do a lot that he might not be able to. Phil doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

“All I ask is that after tour you give me a chance.” Phil looks to the floor and nods. Dan comes back over, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to his hair. “Thank you, love.”

~

It’s hard keeping promises when your body fights back. The cold sweats in the middle of the night and mood swings during the day. Not to mention peer pressure from your bandmates to join in the fun.

Dan tries his hardest, calling Phil in the middle of the night when he feels the need the most or sometimes after to apologize and feel sorry for himself. Every time Phil reminds him of their times together and of all the times that could come if he stays strong. He wouldn’t be able to keep going if it weren’t for Phil; and the date of their last performance couldn’t come sooner.

~

Phil gets home and quickly runs to the TV, dropping to the floor and turning it on. “What station is it on?”

“37.” Dan’s manager tells him over the phone, having called him on his way home. “Hurry up, the broadcast is almost over.”

Phil gets to the station and Dan’s face appears on the screen, headline reading ‘Popular Guitarist Admits to Drug Use’. The anchor lady goes on about how Dan made an official statement earlier that day about his habits before admitting himself into rehab. “When asked about his reason for finally he getting help, Howell stated that he had some person reasons to get cleaned up and hopes that he can ‘regain something he lost when this is all over’.”

“Dan wanted to make sure you saw so you’d believe him.” The manager tells him.

Phil sniffs, tears rolling down his face and hand covering his mouth. “T-thank you.”

“They said he was already going through withdrawal when he went in, but I have no idea how long it will take.”

“Can you keep me updated, please?” Phil asks and the manager agrees to call him weekly or if there’s any news before hanging up.

Phil sits back against the bottom of the sofa and lets his head fall back, staring at the ceiling. So, Dan was serious about all of this? He’s really going through all of the pain and backlash just for him? When he first left he thought maybe Dan hadn’t of loved him after all, but now…

Phil looks down at his phone, hands shaking and heart beating loudly. He scrolls through his contacts before finding the right number and tapping it. “H-hey, Jace? Can you come over today? I… need to talk to you…”

~

The past two months have been the longest of his life. Detoxing for over a week; fighting the urge to snort or drink and yelling at the attendants to give him some kind of distraction but they wouldn’t even allow him his guitar, saying it’d bother the other people there.

He fought through it, having to sleep most of the time so his brain would stop reeling. Once the physical part was over it came time for the mental part. He told them that he knew why he did it, to take his mind off of Phil, the same reason why he’s getting off of everything. They told him that there were other reasons as well, digging deep into his psyche and making him spill his thoughts for the first time since stardom.

Now, finally, he’s ready to leave. He has no need or want for any kind of drug and the thought of alcohol leaves a bad taste on his tongue. The people he went through therapy with that are still in need of help all give him hugs on his way out, wishing him luck and him doing the same to them.

His manager comes to pick him up from the exit, not wanted him to get mobbed by the media so soon after his ordeal. Their footsteps echo through the parking structure, getting closer to the car.

One turn and Dan stops, the person down the way smiling at him. It’s the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. “Hey, Dan.”

“Phil…” Dan gets his legs to work again, coming closer and dropping his bag on the ground next to them. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.” Phil admits, looking over his face.

Dan quickly grabs Phil up in his arms and for the first time in what seems forever Phil holds him back. “I did it.” He rejoices, face buried into Phil’s shoulder.

“I know you did.” Phil brushes through Dan’s hair, the feeling of it so foreign yet so familiar. He pulls back just enough to bring his lips to Dan’s and they still fit him perfectly, Dan’s teeth pulling at his lip. You’d think Dan needed him to breath he clung to him so tightly.

After Phil breaks away Dan lets out a nervous yet joyful giggle, “I missed you so much. I love you so much.”

Phil opens his mouth then closes it, taking a breath and trying again. “I love you, too.”

Dan bites his lip. “What’s going on with you and Jace?”

“I ended things.” Phil confesses, “I had to explain to him things and… he understood all be it sadly.”

“So… What’s that mean for us?”

Phil pulls away, taking Dan’s hands. “It means that you’re actually coming home with me… So we can talk about things.”

Dan looks over to his manager and he nods, heading off to his car.

Dan breathes out a sigh of relief, picking up his bag but not daring to let go of Phil’s hand until they get to the car. “Let’s go home then.” It’s been a lifetime since he’s said those words, and they’ve never sounded better.


End file.
